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Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005, 09:51 am
sbilokonsky: AJ

so i am visiting my kdis right now..as my son is bouncing as we like to call it...i had a sudden sinking feeling...i really dont know all the meds he takes in the morning...so i told him to put a puzzle together until jaymi was awake--this a normal routine...jaymi must have cig...coffee..then it is best to speak to her...does this make me a bad parent since i do not know my own kids meds??? he takes so many...

Wed, Jul. 6th, 2005, 10:38 pm
sbilokonsky: in my daughter's eyes--martina mcbride

I love love this song
lyricsCollapse )

Sun, Jun. 26th, 2005, 11:47 am
lorriejharris: Just joined

When my ex and I split up 4 years ago, I let my little on stay with her father. I had nowhere to go, but to a town an hour away, and live in a friend's garage. The small town we lived in, before we split, had no jobs available that paid enough for me to stay off the streets. I needed to live in the city to find a job.

It was the better of the choices. My daughter would keep her room, her grandparents were next door (his parents, not mine), cousins around the corner, stay in the same school, with her friends, and her best friend was across the street.

If I had her with me, she'd have to live in a garage with me (my friend's house was already crowded, bless her), and I would be paying $125 a week for daycare. Add to that, I would hardly get to be with her, because the job I did get was nights, and daycares around this area don't seem to have slots available for that shift, or they close at 6pm, no matter what.

But I figured a year, and I should be on my feet, right?

No such luck. And before that year was up, he went to a lawyer, and sued for full custody, against the agreement that we had that he'd give me a year. And I have no money for a lawyer, plus -he- went through legal aid, so I couldn't.

Even now, I'm still not in the best position to give her what she needs. And it hurts.

What hurts worse, is the attitude. Chosing to let my daughter stay with her father seems to have stigmatized me.

Not my friends. My real friends don't judge. Thankfully.

But others. Coworkers and supervisors. They tell me I should just sue for custody. Gee, ya think? And are you going to pay the lawyer? Because right now, I just don't have $5000 minimum lying aound.

And then it get's really crappy, when he decides he has better things to do on my visitation days, so I get left out in the cold. I have no power. I have nothing. All I can do, when I talk to her, or see her, is to just let her know how much I really love her, and hope that she understands, and remembers, when I can't see her, or talk to her. Because I refuse to say a word to her about -why- I'm not there when I'm supposed to be, or why I didn't call. My child will not be used as a weapon by me...even if her father does play that game sometimes. :(

I'm sorry. I'm rambling.

I am glad to see that there is a community for us. And I'm glad it's a safe place.

Sun, May. 8th, 2005, 11:04 am
sbilokonsky: just a wish


Tue, Mar. 15th, 2005, 10:32 am
sbilokonsky: (no subject)

happy birthday to my son...11 years old today...

so what does this actually mean? basically 10.5 years ago...his father and i divorced....

i plan on calling him tonight, but just having his birthday hit sucks...

i miss him, i wish things were better for him...i wish i was more bonded with him...my daughters birthday which is in january hurts just as well, but this year my son's is hurting me more...

i dont know what it is/is it the magic number of 10 years??? he was 6 months when tony and i split. 6 months....3 months when life turned to hell...but 6 months...i also look at him and know he was my last child--EVER! i was suppose to have a medical abortation since he was a twin and my complications...i gave that chance and have a beautiful child, might have his brain problems but he is my child. the other thing is as the older he gets he looks more and more like his father...it also makes me think of the good times i did have with his dad...it was not all bad we just could not live with each other...and now i see him with his wife and i see the happiness..so all is good...

he is my baby..getting older..funny how you review life when your children get older.

argg i need to get back to work...i was taking a stress break...

Tue, Mar. 1st, 2005, 10:33 pm
sbilokonsky: a little update

i just wanted to welcome the new members...

Fri, Feb. 11th, 2005, 11:36 am
sbilokonsky: pain in my ards..

last night was hell, i ended up coming into work late..no sleep..why? tony in one word. still no decision on the kids and i dont feel like getting into a huge LJ about this right now...but i did express how for 10 years i have been bending over backwards and getting the rod shoved up my ass. i have done everything he has asked of me...argg getting frustrated..need to end this LJ before i get more upset.

cross posted in my private journal

Sun, Jan. 23rd, 2005, 08:34 pm
sbilokonsky: and it starts

just had a lovely converstion about my daughter coming out for the summer..currently i feel that my ex is being a complete fucking ass....i hate run arounds...

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